Holding out for a billionaire

Christmas has come early for singletons Mercy and Sonya, who have been glued to their computer screens studying the brand new Forbes list of billionaires in their attempt to shop online for a husband - a more desperate form of Googling, if you like, complete with a "hunt the husband" map. Prince Alwaleed comes in at a rocking 8 on the list with $20 billion. Abdulaziz Al Ghurair, at No.77, is worth $6.9 bn.

Sonya's been sussing out the male talent in Internet and Media City and has come to a belated conclusion. "By default, I just don't find sales guys sexy - they're just too Brylcreem. I want my billionaire to be able to pick up an axe and kill a rogue bear, not worry that the animal would crush his hairstyle in its big bear paw. Or even just stare the rogue bear in the eye for a while and then snarl at it in a menacing fashion."

An interesting theory, but its validity is somewhat reduced by the fact that Sonya recently admitted to teen fantasies about Jim Davidson and Bobby Davro.

Conflict negotiations

The Frenchman has come up with the solution to the Palestine problem. "Ask Dubai to invest $80 billion in building a new island in the shape of Palestine off the coast of Jumeirah. Investors can buy plots and develop as they choose: wailing wall and shells are optional."